Today, October 28th at 11:25 am EST is the two year anniversary of my Mother's death. It's a date, as many of you who have lost your Mothers know, is permanently time and date stamped upon your heart and soul.
I had the privilege of watching my Mother take her last breath. I had the honor of holding "gaze" with her as she closed her eyes. For these two special moments I "Thank Her."
Today I dedicate this post to Hazel Marie Duff Reed
Dearest Muh (My name for her)
I miss you. There are days when I I forget you have left and I think I need to call you. It's been two years since that morning and I still think of you often. You were a good Mother although, most importantly, you were a very good individual.
This two year anniversary feels different to me. It's a more mature hurt if that makes any sense. Last year, on the first anniversary, the pain held a different edge, however, today while it still aches, it seems that the ache has matured. Is this what the saying means: "Time can heal all pain?" I can't say that time has healed my pain, however, today does feel different. The pain is not a hammer hitting my heart; it's more like a feather, that is gracefully wanting me to acknowledge it's presence. You were like a feather. Gracefully moving through life without a lot of fanfare. Like a feather, one didn't hear you coming, however once you arrived, your presence was always received with love, appreciation and gratitude.
Today I say THANK YOU. A Mothers "unconditional love" is the greatest gift a child will ever receive and I say with assurance it will remain as such for this age and all the ages prior and those yet to be known. There is nothing greater.
So, today I say THANK YOU for:
- Being a loving individual
- Being a kind indivdual
- Being a generous person with your heart
- Living your Christian beliefs
- Always thinking of others
- Helping others without needing fanfare
- Loving me unconditionally
- Caring for me
- Bothering me :)
- Being a PTA mom
- Making me go to church
- Teaching me compassion
- Showing me what forgiveness looks like
- For being a soft landing
- For insisting I get a Masters Degree
- Following the bus to the freeway as I went off to camp
- Making certain that I had the best that you could afford
- Making my safety your first concern
- Being "old fashioned" when as a kid I wanted you to be "hip"
- Making me attend vacation bible school
- Allowing me to find my own spiritual path
- Making the best chicken salad EVER!!!
- Making the best dinner rolls EVER!!
- Being the BEST Nana and Hama
- Being a trusted friend
- Being dependable
- Having a quiet and stubborn faith
Because of all that you were, my life is GOOD. I cannot thank you enough for all that you did for me. You were a blessing to me and I'm glad the Creator put us together to take our earthly journey together. I cannot imagine traveling this road without having had you in my life. I thank you Muh!
I love and miss you so much.