Today I want to share with you a disappointment I experienced Friday which ironically was the first day of Spring. I thought and believed that I had contracted some work and to my disappointment it was pulled at the very last second. I cannot begin to explain the feeling that overtook my senses and rocked my faith. To say the very least for that moment I felt shattered. The only way to describe it is when you have played your heart out and given all that you have and a last second buzzer beater is the reason that you lost. It appears as a soul shattering moment.
For that second in time there is zero visibility as to what is ahead.. There is a feeling of being lost in the wilderness and you cannot see your hands in front of you. There is no light to guide the way as at that moment you feel completely stymied. You are disappointed.
It took me 24 hours to get past that feeling. I felt my Creator had forsaken me and was playing a very cruel joke. I felt that I could not trust anything I was hearing from my Creator, as I felt I had been brought to the edge of glory, and the door was slammed right before I was about to enter. I felt devastated. I felt the crush of disappointment as I had never experienced before. This hurt and it hurt deeply. I felt as if the very core of what I had prayed for, prepared for and wanted so badly had been snatched so swiftly and suddenly that mentally I was swirling as if I were a top spinning on its axle. I was totally disappointed. I cried. I wailed. I swore.
Despite what I was feeling on Saturday I got up and got back on the horse. I started searching for another deal even though my heart was heavy and my eyes were puffy from the tears that had flowed the previous day. I got up and I started again. I got up and I resumed. I got up and I began to see more clearly. My heart and my legs were still shaking; however, I sought out a new contract.
On Sunday when I awoke I felt completely different. The disappointment had seemed to have lifted and the crushing weight of sorrow had dissipated. I felt different. I felt alive and the fog that had been distracting my view had disappeared. I also within that moment was able to say THANK YOU to the individual that stopped the deal. I thanked him for freeing me as I began to realize that my Creator at the last minute and the very last second knew this wasn't the deal for me. I then THANKED my Creator for saving me from whatever I was not able to see and I apologized.
My moral to this post is the following: Disappointment hurts. Disappointment is painful. Disappointment can shake your foundation. However, what disappointment cannot do UNLESS you ALLOW it is to keep you from moving ahead. Keep moving!
Until the next time,